May 15, 2018

The Loneliness and The Scream



Can you hear the road from this place?
Can you hear footsteps, voices?
Can you see the blood on my sleeve?
I have fallen in the forest, did you hear me?

In the loneliness
oh, the loneliness
and the scream to prove to everyone that I exist

In the loneliness
Oh, the loneliness
and the scream to bring
the blood to the front of my face again

Am I here? of course I am, yes
All I need is your hand to drag me out again
It wasn't me, I didn't dig this ditch
I was walking for weeks before I fell in

to the loneliness
Oh, the loneliness
and the scream to prove to everyone that I exist
in the loneliness
Oh, the loneliness
and the scream to fill a thousand black balloons with air

We fall down, find God just to lose it again
Glue the community together we were hammering it
I fell down, found love, I can lose it again
but now our communal heart beats miles from here

I am reeling from Scott Hutchinson's suicide last week. I have had countless thoughts and would love to write a full tribute of some kind, but at this point am unable to pull my ideas together. Instead I'll just share some of his words and songs that are significant to me.

First is "The Loneliness and the Scream". This song, along with much of his writing, openly expresses his depression and sadness. However, also like most of his songs, it ends in hope. The version embedded above I actually found today; the original version is on the album The Winter of Mixed Drinks.

The next song, which has long been my favorite Frightened Rabbit tune, is "Holy". Once again, I found a new, live version of the song I am embedding. The original recording is on my favorite Frightened Rabbit album Pedestrian Verse.



You read to me from the riot act
Way on high
Clutching a crisp new testament
Breathing fire
Spare me the fake benevolence
I don’t have time
I’m too far gone for a telling
I’ve lost my pride
I don’t mind being lonely
Leave me alone
You’re acting all holy
Me, I’m just full of holes
I could dip my head in the river
Cleanse my soul
I’d still have the stomach of a sinner
Face like an un-holy ghost
Spare me all the soliloquies
I’ve paid my fines
And I’ll be gone before my deliverance
So preach what you like
I don’t mind being lonely
Leave me alone
You’re acting all holy
Me, I’m just full of holes
Don’t mind being lonely
Spare me the brimstone
Acting all holy
When you know I’m full of holes
Don’t mind being lonely
Don’t need to be told
Stop acting so holy
I know I’m full of holes
I don’t mind being lonely
Leave me alone
You’re oh so holy
And I’ll never be good enough
Don’t care if I’m lonely
It feels like home
And I’ll never be holy
Thank God I’m full of holes

I am sad that Scott could not find peace during his time on earth; and I pray and hope that he is now at peace.



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